In a world full of self-love and self-care advice, it can be hard to figure out what’s truly beneficial and what might be doing more harm than good. I’ve always been a fan of exploring different perspectives on self-care, reading articles, listening to podcasts, and absorbing insights from others who’ve walked this path. But sometimes, what’s presented as helpful advice can actually turn out to be pretty toxic.
Here are a few popular self-care and self-love tips that, when not properly balanced, might be causing more harm than good—and how to approach them with a healthier mindset.
1. “Cut Out Negative People from Your Life”
We’ve all heard this advice: surround yourself with positive people and remove anyone who brings negativity into your life. On the surface, this seems smart. But if taken too far, it can lead to only having shallow, superficial relationships where you don’t allow others to show their full humanity—both the ups and the downs.
Instead of cutting people out at the first sign of struggle, it’s important to remember that real relationships—whether friendships or romantic—are built on support through both the highs and lows. Everyone has difficult seasons, and a good friend is someone who offers love and time during both.
2. “Treat Yourself—You Deserve It”
Self-care often gets equated with spending money on things like spa days, fancy meals, or expensive treats. While there’s nothing wrong with indulging every now and then, self-care shouldn’t be about buying your way to happiness.
Real self-care is about taking care of yourself in ways that don’t always cost money. It’s about setting boundaries, getting enough rest, nurturing your mental health, and taking time to do things that restore your energy. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking "treating yourself" always requires spending, but in reality, it's more about what recharges you and supports your well-being.
3. “Love Yourself No Matter What”
Loving yourself is absolutely important, but this phrase can sometimes feel overly simplistic. It can make people feel guilty or ashamed when they’re struggling to fully accept themselves. It’s okay if self-love feels like a journey rather than an immediate switch. You don’t have to love everything about yourself right now, and that’s perfectly fine.
Self-love is a process of growth, learning, and healing. Instead of forcing yourself to “love everything,” allow space for self-compassion and the understanding that you are worthy—even as you work on areas that feel difficult.
4. “You Have to Always Be Positive”
Toxic positivity is a concept that encourages people to focus only on the good and ignore anything negative. While optimism is healthy, always forcing yourself to be positive can invalidate your real emotions. Life is a balance of joy and challenges, and both are necessary for growth.
It’s okay to feel sad, frustrated, or overwhelmed. The key is to honor those feelings and work through them, instead of pretending everything is fine all the time. Emotional well-being comes from allowing yourself to fully experience your emotions without judgment.
5. “Do What Makes You Happy”
While following your passion and doing what makes you happy sounds like great advice, it can be misleading if taken at face value. Sometimes, pursuing long-term goals or working on difficult tasks won’t make you happy in the moment, but it’s necessary for personal growth.
Happiness isn’t a constant state—it’s a byproduct of living a fulfilling and meaningful life. So, instead of focusing only on what brings immediate joy, think about what aligns with your deeper purpose and values, even if the process is hard sometimes.
Self-care and self-love are deeply personal, and what works for one person might not work for another. It’s important to filter advice and figure out what truly serves your well-being. Not every “popular” self-care tip is right for everyone, and some may do more harm than good if not approached with balance.
Take time to reflect on your self-care practices. Are they helping you feel restored, supported, and grounded, or are they leading you into unrealistic expectations? The best self-care is the kind that honors where you are and what you need, without pressure or perfection.
If you’re looking for more supportive, balanced self-care ideas, join our free Facebook group. We share real tips, encourage each other, and dive into the kind of self-care that makes a lasting impact. Let’s keep each other inspired!
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